I was a little bit concerned about, or wasn't sure exactly how it would go, was doing a daily scroll.
I've been doing this curriculum for a little while now and I had told myself in the beginning, "Okay, if I don't have anything to talk about, I'll literally just say that. That's what it will be about. Lack of thoughts, but showing up.”
And I was okay with that.
It wasn't ideal, but it is what it is. The main point was to show up.
Well, something I've noticed is there’s been a couple of times so far in this curriculum, where I was significantly more inspired.
I ended up writing multiple scrolls.
I would have this thought that's something I want to do a little scroll on, and be able to post it a different day.
And so, even though I was originally thinking, it's about showing up every single day.
But in reality, it’s also about posting daily.
Batching tasks isn't a bad thing as it usually improves productivity and reduces burnout.
It’s just been very interesting to me to see it happen a few times now, where about once a week I'm a little more inspired one day, and I batch write a few different scrolls.
I’m like oh that's awesome. Because then the days where I had nothing to write, I was able to replace with better thoughts.
It has kind of created this grace period or breathing room where I don't necessarily have to worry about it.
Trusting that everything always works out blissfully for me, and it can come together.
I think it's been discussed in terms of writer's block, where you sit there and you're telling yourself, “I need to think of something, I need to write something. I need to write, I need to write this book. I need to write this chapter or write this page.”
And you just sit there.
In my experience, the more we tend to focus on something, the more we tend to grab and hold on to something, the less it's actually going to happen.
It reduces the ability for it to flow organically to us and for creativity to thrive.
And instead, we're sitting there, so worried about the thing that we need to do or the deadline that we need to meet, or the goal that we're trying to meet.
So it’s been really neat to experience.
Yes, I've had a few moments of "Oh, I don't have anything to talk about. Well, that's not helpful. That's not productive."
But then I choose to distract myself, or move to the next thing on my list, the next thing in the curriculum.
And while I focus on that, or later in the day after I took my mind off it, all of a sudden I’ll have inspiration or a random thought pops into my head that I want to write about.
For example, yesterday was when I was noticing this, I was doing the cleaning part of the curriculum.
While I was scrubbing something in the bathtub, I was focusing on making sure I got soapy water in every little crevice of the thing I was scrubbing, and then it all flowed into my head.
And it became the scrolls about coming to terms with your ego's worst fear, or worst fears that we might have. Radical self acceptance and removing shame and those kinds of things.
I’m realizing it’s about going with the flow and not trying to control things.
It's about showing up and living in the present every day.
Having faith and trusting that everything will work out.
I feel like that's a big part of spirituality.
We're very spiritual beings is something that I've noticed.
Even in the most unpleasant moments, I've kind of changed the way I think about things.
I frequently ask myself, “what is this trying to teach me? What am I supposed to learn from this? What is the lesson that I need to learn? Where is this leading me?”
Or if something is repeating, especially something that's not necessarily ideal, what am I supposed to be learning from this? How can I look at this a different way?
I don’t want to say it bypasses things, but I feel like it allows for growth, it allows for a more expansive view than just feeling like something that's not ideal is ruining everything.
From personal experience, it allows me to have more of an optimistic outlook.
A more peaceful, grounded, presence in the moment to some extent, where I'm not letting that specific circumstance control how I feel, or how I'm reacting.
It's more so about the big picture.
I know we hate saying that everything happens for a reason because it can be incredibly dismissive and invalidating.
I’ve lived through many abhorrent things, and I know that if somebody would have said to me, "Everything happens for a reason."
Oof, I might not have hit them, but, I probably never would have talked to those people again.
But in my experience, even with the bad things, I can turn and look back on my life and see that dots have connected.
From being abused, from getting the shit beat out of me by a partner and nearly thrown down the stairs, or sent to the emergency room.
I've seen how these terrible events have provided a lot of growth within myself, wisdom, and lessons learned, so that I don't go forward and repeat them.
It’s not to dismiss my feelings in the moment.
Like, yes, living through that abuse, living through those horrendous, abhorrent events absolutely sucked.
I'm not the same person that I was at that time, but I'm incredibly grateful for who I am today, and I would not be who I am today if I didn't go through some of the worst times of my life.
